Kevin Hurts: Good evening to you all and welcome to the debut of Matter of Fact. I am.. well you know who I am. I am WXWF star Kevin Hurts and with me is..
Slayer: One half of your NEW Tag Team Champions, Slayer. And with me always is my very lovely wife Sara.
Kevin Hurts: Uh.. do you two need a room?
Slayer: Room? Psh we got one of those, and the limo that takes us there and..
Kevin Hurts: You know what? Never mind. I REALLY don't want to know. What you and her do in your own free time with some crackers, mayonnaise and the midget with the folding chair I saw running around here is your business.
Slayer: WXWF has a little.. never mind. Did you enjoy that little Pay Per View we had this past Sunday?
Kevin Hurts: Enjoy? Did I enjoy it? Of course I did. My only regret is that I didn't do more damage to Lance Dani- well, I better stop right there. We'll get to that in due time. But for now, I think it is time to really introduce what you and I are really doing here Slayer.. besides wasting time and money.
Slayer: Not my time or money, but I guess you're right.
Kevin Hurts: Of course I'm right. I'm Texan damn it.
Slayer: No comment. We're here to talk about stuff that these people wanna hear about. What would that be Kevin?
Slayer waves his hand in front of Kevin's face.
Slayer: STOP DAY DREAMING!
Kevin Hurts: Huh? Oh yeah!
Kevin reaches behind him and pulls out several flash cards.
Kevin Hurts: We talk all about, (turns cards around to reveal the logos of Vendetta and Showdown) all the happenings on Vendetta and Showdown, (flips to the next card) Pay per Views, (flips to the next card showing the WXWF logo) and anything and everything else that happens.
Kevin tosses the final card behind him over his shoulder.
Kevin Hurts: So Slayer, what's first on our agenda. Just what shall we christen this show off with?
Slayer nudges Sara who hands him a clipboard.
Slayer: Let's see. Waste time.. check. Waste money.. check. Ah here it is!!! Discuss how we are indeed better than the Rumor Mill.
Kevin Hurts: Well, let's see here. Hmm.
Kevin leans forward on the desk in a thinking pose. He sits up.
Kevin Hurts: Ah-ha! Wait- no. Saying that is what got me banned from Canada . Just how exactly are we better than the Rumor Mill? I mean, it's got to be pretty damn difficult to beat all the latest rumors about Momma Spade.
Slayer: But there is so much out there. I mean just the other day I heard that my "partner" Hunter Spade got dumped by his girlfriend Candice. Is this true?
Kevin Hurts: Hunter has or had a girlfriend? I always thought he swung for Fitters team. I mean he walks around like he has "something" up his.. never mind.
Sara: I have seen Chris Fitter coming out of the locker room a few times while me and Slayer were arriving from the parking lot.
All three try not to laugh, but give into temptation.
Kevin Hurts: All Hunter jokes aside, we really should kick off this show before the higher ups cancel it before we can get off the ground.
Slayer: Alright, let's talk about this last Sunday. Two people lost their jobs in loser leaves matches. These two men are....well....who are they?
Kevin Hurts: Travis Shepard and Psycho Kid! Wait- you said lost their job! Oh, that would be Trailer Park and Trevor Owens. Makes you almost feel kind of sorry for them. No, not because they lost their jobs but because of those names. Trailer Park and Trevor Owens. They never had a chance.
Slayer: No chance, kinda like Scott Savage and TLR beating ME!!
Sara nudges Slayer now.
Slayer: Ow. Oh yea, NOOOOOOO EGO, my bad?
Kevin Hurts: If I had a nickel for every time I've heard and said that.. well, I'd have a helluva lot of nickels. Then I'd trade them up for quarters and hit the arcade! Whoo!
Sara: Immaturity.
Slayer: Give him a break he lost his buddy in the draft.
Kevin Hurts: Yeah. I lost an African. I looked on eBay for a new one but they didn't have any. Those bastards. Speaking of new ones, how about the One? He was victorious at Backdraft against the Perfect Machine, right Slay?
Slayer: That is correct. That Machine guy tried bitching out your African buddy and now he is being beaten by The One? Shows the intensity of The One's umpteenth return.
Kevin Hurts: You know, I went back in the archives the other day to try to figure out how many times the One has returned from "retirement" or where ever he's gone but I couldn't get the calculator to go that high. It was truly an amazing sight to see the calculator type out, 'Stop pressing buttons nut job!'
The trio laughs.
Slayer: Speaking of things that are over, what about JS2? He has been released from the WXWF. That's really a downer. He was my hero. After all he was PROBABLY better than Hunter Spade.
Kevin Hurts: JS2? You mean that big smelly bastard over on Showdown? Didn't he stand outside Lance Daniels locker room a few weeks ago? I mean that's horrible. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.. which just happens to be Lance Daniels. Hope he had a gas mask on in there.
Slayer: Did you see that idiot? He was probably having wet dreams about Lance. Speaking of Lance....How could you get a friend of mine suspended?
Kevin Hurts: ME?! I didn't get the bastard suspended. He got himself suspended. If it were up to me, I'd be facing him again at Vendetta! He poured Draino down my throat. And despite what the commercials want you to think, it is not a tasty product.
Slayer: That was kinda funn....I mean that was horrible. What else happened that we can talk about? Ah yes, Showdown....the B Show, finally got a Champion. Both of us have lost to this man. What do you think of Matt Benedetti becoming the Showdown Champion?
Kevin Hurts: From what I saw Benedetti still holds the Critical Condition Championship that he won from me with help from Trent Jacobs...just saying. But he does appear to be on a roll on the Showdown roster. Not a single loss and now the first Showdown Champion. Sucks to be on that roster for more than having Lazlow being the boss now.
Slayer: Yea, I've worked for him, and it's not good at all. You know who wasn't in that match? That Supreme Samoan Firetruck....OOOMAGA.
Sara: Who cares? He's fat and smelly.
Kevin Hurts: The guy may be smelly but he can get the job done. And that crazy Alexander Christopher Estrada guy seems to be able to translate for him. Hey Slayer, we should see if we can get him and the Supreme Samoan Firetruck on the show next week!
Slayer: I heard the guy eats small children. I can't go near him for my daughter's sake.
Kevin Hurts: Ha! The mighty Slayer has been tamed! But I guess it is up to me to try and get the guy on the show. Shouldn’t we have interns or something?
Slayer: We should.
Kevin Hurts: But with all this talk, we still haven't gone over everything that happened this Sunday at Backdraft. What about the new Television Champion Benjimen Atreyu?
Slayer: He called me a bad wrestler!?!? I understand Hunter Spade being a bad wrestler, but me!?!? You and I have faced off and I think we put on a hell of a match.
Kevin Hurts: Yeah, even if I had to carry the match. But that's not important.. right now anyways. But that special public announcement was so entertaining, I think we should take another look at it, what do you say Slayer?
Slayer: Sure.
* * *
This public announcement was brought to you by Benjimen Atreyu.
The scene opens up to Benjimen sitting in front of a large replica of the American flag. He is wearing a white button up shirt, a pair of black dress pants, a pair of black leather shows, a Rolex watch, and a pair of black sunglass.
Benjimen Atreyu: Hello America and other countries. I am here to tell you now that there is a sickness that is spreading fast. Faster then aids, west Nile virus, and the flu all mixed together. It is very common. It is called stupidity. It can by inherited, passed through the skin, it can be cause by the environment and it can be caused by inhaling household items. It can affect almost everyone in the world. Already half of the world's population has it and it keeps spreading even farther and faster. There isn't a cure for it yet but people like me are trying to help those diagnosed with stupidity. I can already tell that most of the crowd here will be affected by it soon. The main causes of it are, loud aggressive music, bad parenting, and most of all bad wrestlers such as Hunter Spade, Slayer, JS2, and OOMAGA. But it isn't to late to fix it. All we have to do is stop living in darkness. The truth could lessen your chances of being diagnosed with stupidity and all you have to do is listen easy as that. Don't let your loved ones be effect by stupidity. Follow me and I can show you what stupidity can cause...
Benjimen Atreyu stands up and walks over to a table with pictures of Arron Harvey and FA Punk.
Benjimen Atreyu: These are deadly cases of stupidity. Don't let your kids end up like this. Let me show you the effects of the truth...
Benjimen Atreyu walks over a different table with pictures of Trent Jacobs, Christopher Nord, and Lance Daniels.
Benjimen Atreyu: See, this is the effect of the truth it can help you like it has helped these people too. Plus, there are no side effects all you need to do is believe in the truth and stop shutting to your eyes and turning to these people who clam to give you the truth but it takes twice the time and you only get worse. People like Kid Rock, the wrestler can cause bleeding from the cranium area and decreasing grades. Please save the youth and listen to the truth. Thanks you my name is Benjimen Atreyu and I got help from the truth.
This Public Announcement was brought to you by people with the IQ over fifty
* * *
Kevin Hurts: Truly empowering words.
Slayer: Eh. You know what we really haven't talked about in depth? My Tag Team Title victory and how I carried Hunter Spade to becoming half of the Tag Team Champions.
Kevin Hurts: Oh boy. Here we go..
Sara: Well it is the truth Kevin.
With that little outburst she curls up against her husband.
Slayer: It is true. Did you not watch the match man? I dominated. I tag him in, he gets dominated. I had to save the match on multiple occasions. I turn around and he is laying there. I got the pin, and I won the match pretty much single handedly.
Kevin Hurts: Yeah, save for getting flattened with the Equalizer by Rivers to YOU, Sara distracting the ref, and Steven Douglas popping in to say 'hello'. Other that, I'll agree with ya.
Slayer: Bottom line the match was me, and it was proven that Hunter is the weak link.
Kevin Hurts: Hell, I could have told you that! He hasn't been the same since the triple threat pawn shop match where you, his now current partner, shot him three time in the man region with a paintball gun, of all things, point blank! Some partner.
Slayer: Well we were enemies then. You too were in that match and that is when you got my respect. Wait, that came out wrong. I've always respected you, but that is when you proved you deserved it.
Kevin Hurts: I wonder if we have a clip of the paintball gun shot around here somewhere?
* * *
Spade takes the paintball gun and tries to hit Slayer in upside the head with it. Slayer ducks and begins to wrestle the gun out of Spade's hand. Realizing the gun won't come out that way, Slayer hits Spade with a field goal kick to the groin. Spade's grip instantly is released and Slayer takes hold of the paintball gun. He takes aim and takes three shots at Spade's groin area from almost point blank range. Spade's face tells the story of his pain.
* * *
Kevin Hurts: Yeah, there it is! Can we freeze it there? We can? Awesome. Look at that facial expression! Can't blame him but damn, Slayer! What the hell man?
Slayer: I've said it once and I'll say it again....I do what it takes to win. I would have done the same thing if it was you.
Kevin Hurts: As far as I see it, you did the public a service. You stopped any mini-Hunter’s from happening. And for that, my hat's off to you sir.. if I wore a hat. Can I get a hat? My head's cold..
Sara grabs a bag and hands it to Kevin.
Kevin Hurts: What's this?
Sara: A hat.
Kevin sniffs inside the bag.
Kevin Hurts: Did you carry a sandwich in here? Smells like Peanut Butter and Jelly. Great now I'm hungry. You know who else is hungry? The Last Resort. Well, for a match at least. He made his intentions known at Backdraft and so I guess it's a public warning to the guys in the back. Though I really don't see it but hey, that's his deal.
Slayer: Yea and for the words he spewed he now gets to get a match with me and Hunter. He teams with Scott Savage. I get to get back at the guy who dropped this pretty lady on her head.
He kisses Sara on the forehead.
Kevin Hurts: Hey, you two can take that off camera. We got business to take care of. We do don't we? I mean we talked about every match at Backdraft, Hunter Spade, and all that. Damn, time flies.
Slayer: We've talked about everything? Well let's go back a little bit farther for a second. Does anybody know the status of Mike Destiny? I could swear when Hunter and I piledrove him into the cement I heard a crack, and he was motionless. I was wondering if we killed him or something.
Kevin flips through some papers in front of him.
Kevin Hurts: Damn, these papers would be more useful if they had something actually on them. But from what I saw on the TVs in the back and with the audio up, I have no idea
Slayer: Well then I guess we're done this week. I'm Slayer, he's Kevin Hurts, and she is Sara, and this was the DEBUT EDITION of...
Slayer, Kevin Hurts, Sara: MATTER OF FACT!!!
The show fades to black as "When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 5000 begins to play. The Backdraft logo wipes across the black screen before fading away.
Now this is what it's like when worlds collide
Now this is what it's like
Now this is what it's like when worlds collide
Now this is what it's like
Travis sets Trailer Park up for Check Please and hits the move. Trailer Park is out cold. Travis makes the cover.1,2,3. Psycho Kid goes up to the top rope. Leaps and hits Misfortune. He goes for the cover. 1, 2, 3!! The referee calls for the bell.
What is it really
That's going on here
You've got your system for total control
Atreyu backs up as Savage slowly gets to his feet and the two meet in the center of the ring and begins exchanging blows back forth and, literally, out of nowhere lifts Savage up and drops him hard with what he calls, How the Gods Kill. An exhausted Atreyu drapes himself across the body of Scott Savage as the referee, again, drops into position and counts out 1, 2, 3!
Now is there really anybody out there
Now watch us suffer cause we can't go
What is it really that is in your head
The referee pulls the chair away from The Perfect Machine and then goes to the edge of the ring to throw it to the outside. While the referee is turned The One gets up and hits the Perfect Machine with another low blow and Then grabs The Perfect Machine in a suplex position and hits him with the Paradigm Shift and pins him. The referee turns back around at starts the count. 1.2.3
What little life that you had just died
I'm gonna be the one that's taking over
Dennis holds out a pen, which Taylor reluctantly grabs. She looks down at the papers and then leans over the desk to sign them one at a time. As she pushes the papers back towards her boss, she stands back up. He reaches to another paper on the side of his desks and signs it himself. As he does so another all too familiar face comes into the shot. It's Trent Jacobs. He walks over to his lover and wraps his arms around her from behind. He slides the paper over towards the golden couple of WXWF and one at a time they each sign. The two former champions both smile widely as their boss takes the papers back.
Dennis Long: All right. Welcome to the Vendetta family. I'm sure you two will be wonderful team.
Trent Jacobs: Of course. Best Co-General Managers EVER!
Now this is what it's like when worlds collide
The logos of each show are shown and then a nuclear explosion.
Are you ready to go
He breaks the hold.. Rol grabs one of OG's legs and DS the other OG hits an enzuigiri on ROL. He kicks and hits a DDT oN DS. Jen is stirring and Rol runs at her and both wrestler go other the top rope and land on. The land on DRU. DS rolls out to check on Dru who looks hurt. Tm is getting to his feet. OG rushes at him and TM catches him with a kick and goes for a suplex.. OG slides over his back and pushes him into the ropes knocking DS off the apron as he was trying to get back into ring and rolls up
LEO: 2.5
Scott: 3!
Leo: Ref's hand didn't hit third time.
Scott: Referee Frisland Montafima is calling for the bell!
Cause I'm ready to go
What you gonna do baby, baby
Are you going with me
Cause I'm going with you
It's the end of all time
Hunter crosses his ankles as he is dumped over the top rope, dragging Rivers over with him in a hurricanrana to the outside. Rivers ducks a clothesline from Slayer and nails another turnbuckle yakuza kick to Hunter. River spins Slayer around and lifts him into a fireman's carry position. He carries him over to the center of the ring before tossing him up and landing in a sitdown slam thus connecting with the Equalizer. Steven Douglas slides into the ring and lands a stiff kick to the face of Rivers, breaking the pin. He reaches down and pulls Rivers to his feet before twisting him around and nailing him with the Hangman's Neckbreaker. Slayer slowly rolls over and drapes an arm across Rivers' chest as Sara drops down to the floor. The ref turns to see the pin and makes the count.1, 2, 3!
What is it really that motivates you
The need to fly or this fear to stop
I'll go along when you realize
When we get there I say 9 of 10 drop
Lance extends his hand out to Kevin smirking; Kevin shakes his head and extends his hand out only to get slapped across the face by Lance. Kevin backs up smiling back at Lance, Kevin retaliates and slaps Lance right back across his face. Both men begins punching at each other. The referee pulls Lance off of Kevin. Lance gets up to his feet and shoves the referee against the ropes, as the referee comes back Lance levels him. Kevin gets up to his feet and tackles Lance to the ground.
Kevin begins punching away at Lance as a second referee slides into the ring trying to pry Kevin off of Lance. Kevin gets up and knocks that referee out with a left hook to the face. Security pours in from everywhere. Still Lance and Kevin attempt to go at it, stopping only to clear a path to one another through the ocean of black shirted security guards entering their space.
Now who's the light and who is the devil
You can't decide so I'll be your guide
And one by one they will be hand chosen
Kevin leaps off the turnbuckle, clearing ringside and the barricade, and crashes down upon Lance Daniels and the surrounding forces. Though weary from struggling against their captors and earlier brawling, both men pick up where they last left off. Kevin hauls Lance to his feet and unleashes with hard rights before dragging him through the crowd. Lance, however, counters with a set of three elbows to the gut of Hurts followed by a rising knee. Lance now takes control by pulling Kevin along by his hair before running him full speed into the flat surface of a concrete wall.
Before anymore damage can be done, more security comes pouring into the brawling area, dragging away Lance and Kevin from each other, only with more numbers than last time. Both men attempt to fight their captors off once again but the senseless fighting has taken its toll on both their bodies.
Now this is what it's like when worlds collide
Again the logos of each show are seen followed by the same nuclear explosion.
Are you ready to go
Cause I'm ready to go
What you gonna do baby, baby
Are you going with me
Cause I'm going with you
It's the end of all time
Different photos of the Chamber of Hell being constructed are shown. First the cage itself being made. The beams being raised, followed by the chains being soldered together. We then see a man wearing thick gloves wrapping the razor wire through the chains on the sign of the cage. The cameras then shoot to the back where we see JS2 being attacked by Slayer.
Leo Krause: What the hell is this?
Scott Jameson: Well that's Slayer. One of the new tag team champions on Vendetta.
Leo Krause: I know that, but why the hell is he attacking JS2?
Scott Jameson: JS2 attacked a mass of Vendetta stars, including the CEO and Owner of this company. I'm sure this is just their way of pay back.
Slayer grabs his title belt and hits JS2 in the head multiple times, finally knocking him to the ground. Slayer looks down grinning at the task he has just completed as he leaves with his title belt. Medical staff rushes to JS2 as we shoot back to the commentary table
Now this is what it's like when worlds collide
Now this is what it's like
Now this is what it's like when worlds collide
Now this is what it's like
What is it really when they're falling over
Everything that you thought is denied
I'm gonna be the one that's taking over
Now this is what it's like when worlds collide
Benedetti sends Kamikaze over the top rope and to the outside. Benedetti follows lifting Kamikaze to his feet. He goes to whip him in to the razor wire covered fence, but is reversed and he himself is sent hard into the razor wire. Benedetti lets out a scream of pain as he falls over.
Are you ready to go
Cause I'm ready to go
What you gonna do baby, baby
Are you going with me
Cause I'm going with you
It's the end of all time
Scott Jameson: What the hell? He does have the kitchen sink.Leo Krause: Some unimaginable things here in this match.Scott Jameson: What's he gonna do wash his hands in the sink?Leo Krause: I think he's gonna do something a little more violent.Kamikaze drops the sink over the top rope. He goes to come through the ropes and is stopped by Benedetti. Benedetti then grabs the sink and slams it into the ribs of Kamikaze, driving the air out of him.
Benedetti goes to the outside setting up two tables on the outside. He then sets up a ladder. He throws Kamikaze over his shoulder and literally carries him up the ladder. He sits him on the top of the ladder and comes off with a New York Throwdown.
Benedetti gingerly walks up the ramp with his Critical Conditions Title.
Are you ready to go
Cause I'm ready to go
What you gonna do baby, baby
Are you going with me
Cause I'm going with you
It's the end of all time
Are you ready
Cause I'm ready
It's the end of all time
Are you going
Yeah I'm going
It's the end of all time
Both logos show one final time, followed by the nuclear explosion, only this time the Backdraft logo is what's left in the dust.